sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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