i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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