remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
