Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
