Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
