Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
