Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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