Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
