My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
