The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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