you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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