I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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