your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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