we're chasing vodka with high fives
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
