Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
