Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
