I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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