Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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