You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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