theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
