Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
