i'm signing you up for texting rehab
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
