when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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