For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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