Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
