I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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