My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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