So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A+ Viking dick
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
