OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
