How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
