I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
