There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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