My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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