i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
