Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
