Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
