i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
