at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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