So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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