I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
