Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
