how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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