I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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