Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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