i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
