I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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