Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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