Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
