So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
