after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
